Is It My Style or Just a Generational Thing, and Does It Even Matter?
You’ve asked for initiative. They want more clarity. You say, “Take ownership,” and they ask for a checklist. You give feedback you think is fair, maybe even generous, and they look stunned or worse, disengaged.
So now you’re wondering: Is this a style issue, a generational one, or both? And more importantly: Does it even matter which it is?
Short answer: Yes. And no. (Hey, I'm a consultant.)
Style vs. Generation: Let’s Not Confuse the Two
Let’s be clear about what’s happening before we write it off as a TikTok problem or a “kids these days” moment.
Your leadership style is how you naturally operate—how you communicate, make decisions, hold people accountable, and show up when things get tough.
Generational tendencies, on the other hand, are shaped by culture and context. Think:
Boomers who often value loyalty, chain of command, and paying your dues
Gen X with a heavy dose of independence, pragmatism, and “just figure it out” mentality
Millennials who look for growth, feedback, and flexibility
Gen Z who are wired for transparency, inclusion, and values alignment
These aren’t absolutes. But they do show up in how people respond to you. And if you’re a Gen X leader, now in a senior role, maybe leading teams of Millennials and Gen Z employees. You might be feeling the squeeze from both sides.
You’re expected to uphold legacy norms, speak in modern leadership language, and decode a dozen different expectations, all while delivering results.
No wonder this feels like more than a style clash. It’s pressure layered on top of complexity.
When Style and Generation Collide
This isn’t about who’s right. It’s about what’s getting lost in translation.
Here’s what that might look like:
You think autonomy signals trust. They interpret it as a lack of support.
You give straight-to-the-point feedback. They hear criticism without care.
You move fast. They ask for context. You assume they’re stalling. They assume you’re reactive.
You expect initiative. They’re waiting for alignment.
You’re not wrong. Neither are they. But if no one slows down to unpack the disconnect, you’re left managing assumptions instead of performance.
Does It Really Matter Why It’s Happening?
It matters when you use generational labels as shortcuts for real reflection.
“They’re soft.” “They don’t want to be challenged.” “No one taught me how to lead. I figured it out.”
That may be true. But recreating your experience won’t help your people thrive now.
And sometimes, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes the root cause isn’t the point. If something isn’t working, your job as a leader is to notice it and respond with intention and not defensiveness.
The better question is this: What does this person need to succeed, and how do I show up in a way that still feels like me without defaulting to frustration?
Here’s What to Do Instead
1. Pause the assumption spiral.
Is this actual resistance, or is it just unfamiliar engagement? Are they confused, or are they worried about getting it wrong? Start with curiosity. Not control. “Tell me how you’re thinking about this.”
2. Name what’s happening. Out loud.
Try, “It sounds like we’re approaching this from different angles. Let’s talk through what’s not clicking.” Clarity doesn’t come from guessing. It comes from conversation.
3. Adjust without contorting.
You don’t need to become someone you’re not. But you do need to notice when your instincts are landing flat. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means leadership isn’t one-size-fits-all.
4. Lead with questions, not certainty.
If you find yourself thinking, “They should already know this,” stop. Ask instead: “What would help you feel clear and confident here?” “What are you unsure about?” “How do you see this playing out successfully?”
You’ll get better answers. And better results.
Zoom Out: This Is the Job
Style conflicts will always exist. So will generational friction. But great leaders don’t cling to what used to work. They pay attention to what’s happening now.
They stay clear on what matters, flexible in how they get there, and grounded enough to handle tension without making it personal.
So if you’re asking, “Is it me, or is it them?” Yes. Probably both.
But a better question might be: How do I lead in a way that drives impact, honors who I am, and builds trust even when the landscape keeps shifting?
That’s what separates managers from real leaders. And that’s what your team is waiting for.
Book Recommendations
Sticking Points by Haydn Shaw: Practical guide to managing generational tension at work. Breaks down 12 common points of friction (like feedback, loyalty, and communication) and gives clear strategies.
The Remix: How to Lead and Succeed in the Multigenerational Workplace by Lindsey Pollak: Especially useful for Gen X and Millennial leaders. It reframes generational differences as assets and includes specific actions leaders can take to adapt.
Think Again by Adam Grant: A deep dive into rethinking assumptions and staying flexible. This is ideal for leaders trying to unlearn what used to work and build trust with newer generations.